Submission

Submission is not about authority and it is not obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.

William P. Young – The Shack

Submission is a word I have trouble personally defining.  I know what the word means.  I just don’t know what the word means to me.  The dictionary tells me that submission is “an act or instance of submitting”* and “submissive conduct or attitude.”*  To submit is “to yield oneself to the power or authority of another”** or “to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment.”**  Submissive is “inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.”***  All these definitions are easy to see and understand, and yet applying them to me is strangely difficult.

I’ve grown up knowing the word submission.  I’ve known what it meant and what it was used for.  It was used heavily in the church, especially around Valentines Day or whenever there was a wedding.  I heard it growing up at least once a year and as I grew older in the church we began studying the passages in the Bible that taught us how to treat our significant others and soon-to-be-spouses.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”  Ephesians 5:22-24  We were told that our wives should treat us as the lord in their home.  We were told that we should be respected and obeyed as the head of the household.  We were told that we were saving our wife from the world.  We were told that wives were to be submissive to husbands.

Where does this leave me?  I am not the wife, and yet I feel no desire, strong or otherwise, to be a firm leader of the household, to be looked up to as the lord in my home.  I want nothing less than to be a leader.  I am a follower.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”  Ephesians 5:25-29  The men have no such requirement of submitting to their wives.  They are told to cherish her, to love her, to take care of her, but there is no similar sentiment of being subject to the thoughts or rulings of the wife.  Men are told to be obedient to the Lord, obedient to the church, but not obedient to the wife. 

Where does this leave me?  Where do I fit in to this idea?  I can fit better into cherishing her, loving her, taking care of her, but I also want to be obedient to her.  I don’t want to be the deciding voice.  I can’t even make my own decisions.  How can I be the leader, the decider, for someone else?

Animals too have their own values of submission.  There is no God, no Lord, no church in the lives of an animal.  The only law is that of Darwinism.  The strongest live, the weaker submit or die.  I find it easier to relate to the submission of animals.  There is one dominant leader in a group.  The others follow and survive.  The dominant makes the rules, makes the decisions, and keeps everyone together and well.  Followers in the group do not question the dominant.  They know that obedience keeps them alive.

A wolf has its pack.  One alpha pair and many followers.  The alphas eat first.  The alphas are the pair to mate.  The alphas decide where to den and when to move.  The alpha decides every part of the follower’s life.

I can relate to this idea of submission easier than the one provided by the church.  Here there is one leader.  This leader takes care of his or her own.  Here there is no gender determining who is the leader.  It is the strongest who is the leader.  It is the one best fit for the role.  Here there is a simple hierarchy and everything fits in order.

I like the hierarchy.  It’s a bit difficult to have a full hierarchy with two people though.  There is top and there is bottom.  At the same time, I like it that way.  She is the top.  I am the bottom.  She is the dominant.  I am the submissive.  She is the alpha.  I am the follower.  Things just make sense that way.

Young states that submission is not just about authority and obedience, but about love and respect as well.  I respect her.  I know I respect her.  Do I love her?  I trust her, certainly.  I care for her greatly.  I’m happy when I’m with her.  According to Plutchik ****, love is the combination of trust and joy.  He would say I love her.

* definition of submission, according to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/submission

** definition of submit, according to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/submit

*** definition of submissive, according to http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/submissive

**** Robert Plutchik’s list of emotions http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emotions