Bondage and Rope

I have fallen to my knees unable to rise, what kind of trap is this? What kind of chains has tied my hands and feet? It is so strange, so wonderful this helplessness of mine.

Rumi

I’ve mentioned before a bit about my views and opinions of bondage.  I’ve said that I like bondage.  I’ve also mentioned that I’m more a fan of rope than chain.  All the same, chain makes people think of bonds more than rope.  For what reason, I’m not really sure, but it just does.  If you’re chained, you’re bound.  If you’re roped, your… hanged?  I’m not really sure what the connection is with rope.  I like being bound.  I’d prefer not to experience being hanged again.  At least not without any other support to keep from experiencing the full effect of being hanged.

I have history with rope.  I have a lot of history with rope.  Some of it is good, some of it is bad, but there aren’t any hard feelings with the rope itself.  I still like rope.  I suspect I will always like rope.

I used to be a boy scout.  I suppose I still am one.  The training never quite leaves you.  I learned how to tie many different knots.  I would be able to relax and focus on the knots.  The square knot.  The bowline.  The sheet bend.  The clove hitch.  The two half hitches.  The taut-line hitch.  The list can go on.  I’ve tied all of these knots hundreds of times.  Perhaps hundreds of thousands of times.  I can tie any one of them in my sleep.

There are a few other knots I know.  I know how to tie a slip knot.  I know how to tie a horse knot.  I know how to tie a hangman’s noose.  These aren’t knots I learned how to tie in boy scouts.  But I’ve practiced these knots over and over again as well.  I can probably tie these in my sleep or blind as well.

I’ve tied myself up before.  I’ve practiced various knots on myself for different reasons.  When I was a kid, I would practice knots on myself to test the strength of them.  When I was older, I would practice knots on myself to test the quality.  Every knot has to be perfect.  Especially when there is only one chance to get it right.

I can’t tie a hangman’s noose anymore.  I can’t bring myself to tie the knot without feeling the urge to slip it around my neck and feel it tighten.  Without feeling the urge to use another knot to suspend the noose just above my own height.  I have no real desire to kill myself anymore, but the temptation is always there, just to feel the constricting rope again, to feel the rush of adrenaline, the panic, as I start to lose consciousness.

I still like rope.  I still like knots.  But I’m starting to find other forms of bondage a bit more satisfying.  I like the feel of a tight, but not constricting, cord or chain around my neck, where I can feel every beat of my heart and every breath on my neck.  I like the feel of my leather collar around my wrist, not tight, but constantly there reminding me of who I belong to and who I am bound to.  I like the idea of being immobilized by rope, rather than simply secured by it.  I want to be either attached to a firm frame, or tied in a manner that movement is impossible.

I’ll always prefer rope over chain or leather or any other form of bondage.  Rope can be tied tightly or loosely.  Rope takes time to tie correctly, to tie precisely.  Rope builds up anticipation.  Chain and leather with locks or buckles takes only moments to be adjusted into place.  There is room for adjustment, but it’s not as precise as what rope can be.

Rope can never be tied exactly the same twice.  The firmness of the hands, the thickness of the rope, even the humidity of the air can influence how the rope is tied.  Chain and leather can be reattached the exact same way each time due to precise holes in the leather or counting the links in the chain.  The rope can be the personification of the one tying the knots.  The chain and leather can be the same for each person and therefore holds less of the identity of the one sculpting the ties.

I like bondage.  I like rope.  I think I shall always enjoy at least a bit of both.