Being Four

The prime purpose of being four is to enjoy being four - of secondary importance is to prepare for being five.

Jim Trelease

Children are one of the greatest teaching examples we know.  While we were all children once, it’s hard to remember the lessons we learned as a child and the experiences we had.  Children are brave.  Children are curious.  Children are imaginative.  And somehow, as we grow into adults, we lose a lot of that.  Adults are fearful.  Adults are set in their ways.  Adults see things the way they are conditioned to see them.  Don’t you want to be a child?

I work with children.  I enjoy working with children.  I do not have any of my own, and quite frankly do not believe I am ready for any of my own yet.  I get my reward from watching children for a few hours a day and sending them home with their mommy or daddy, happy to get a hug or a kiss blown to me from the safety of their parent’s arms.  I enjoy giving children back to their parents.

Children are very imaginative creatures.  Leave a child unattended for a moment and he is likely to get into something you’d rather he not.  There is one little boy I watch who reminds me how fearless children really are as well as imaginative.  He had a cape tied around his neck from a box of costumes we have at work.  He climbed up on the table and, when asked to get down, he proceeded to jump off the table as if he were a super hero.  This, of course, soon became a game.

While he was grinning and having the time of his life, I was watching him, inches from wanting to tear him from the table and plant both feet firmly on the ground.  He was brave, curious, and imaginative.  I was fearful and set in my ways.  I had to step back and see things from his point of view.  It wasn’t hurting him to jump off the table, even though it was a risk.  Even if he did get hurt, it wouldn’t be anything major.  Who was I to try to starve his bravery, curiosity, and imagination?

Sometimes the only thing a four year old needs to do is be four.

He is still learning.  He is still growing.  He is finding his own boundaries of what he is and isn’t able to do.  He is finding his own boundaries of what he is and isn’t allowed to do.  These two boundaries don’t often meet up at the same line.  He needs to be able to grow and expand.  He can’t be held to the same boundaries he was at when he was three.  And, when he is five, no longer the same boundaries as when he was four.  He needs to slowly learn new boundaries as he grows older.  He needs to be exposed to new rules and new responsibilities.

The only other thing he needs to do is prepare to be five.

And yet, we are not four going on five.  We are older.  We have more responsibilities than just obeying the rules that mommy and daddy set for us.  Or do we?  Maybe we aren’t accepting responsibilities and rules from our parents, but we are accepting them from the people around us.  We obey the law given to us by legislators.  We obey the orders given to us by our bosses.  We obey the requests given to us by our spouses.  Rather than mommy and daddy, we accept rules from everyone we interact with.

We try to tell ourselves that we do things the way we do them because we want to.  And, in a sense, we do.  We wake up at a certain time because that is the time we want to wake up.  But why do we want to wake up at that time?  Do we have to be up that early so we can be ready for work on time?  Or do we want to be up earlier to have time to ourselves in the morning before handing our day to our bosses, or perhaps so we’re alert before doing so?

We work very much in the same way we were taught as children.  We have an order to the things we do and a reason behind every action.  We eat three meals a day because we were taught to eat three meals a day.  When we specifically eat those meals may vary from person to person, but we eat one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening.  We call these meals breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  These are all things we were taught.  These are rules and boundaries we know now at whatever age we are.

Sometimes the only thing a four year old needs to do is be four.  This applies to us no matter what age we are.  We need to be who we are, where and when we are.  All the responsibilities we have at whatever age we are, are the ones we need to worry about and respond to.  We don’t always progress to new responsibilities with every new year, but the concept is the same.  We need to worry about what we worry about now.  We don’t need to worry about what we did years ago or will do years in the future.

The only other thing he needs to do is prepare to be five.  This applies to us as well.  We need to prepare for the future, but we don’t need to worry about it.  The future will come in its own time.  Preparing and worrying are not the same thing.  To prepare is to be ready for it, to take steps to cope with it.  To worry is to dread, to fear, to not cope.  To worry is to do nothing productive.  We must be productive to prepare to be five.